Overheard + holiday cheer + 2011 = ?

Schmoozing Schmoozer.


1: "What is this?"

Me: "Leaves in a sauce I think."

2. "Actually it's spinach in a herb sauce."

Me: "I stand corrected."


Me: "I've never been to a wine testing"

1: "Tasting"

Me: "Tasting"


Me: "I'm a vegetarian"

1: "For how long?"

Me: "About 2 weeks, solid 2 weeks though."


1: "No in and out the club, sorry."

Me: " I have the DJ's car keys!" (flash apartment key)

1: "Right this way."


   I'm looking forward to going back to Vegas actually. I like being comfortably numb. I think whenever I have a major drinking episode I want to crawl into a hole for a few days until all the dumb and embarrassing things I said and did wears off a bit. Vegas is a great hole to hide in.
   Fortunately I know how to avoid the cameras. I turn red as the devil's tail when I'm drinking and dancing at the club. No photos please. I can't handle an image to go with the scattered memories. Where's my phone? I'm turning it off for at least 7 days.
   I'm not a big fan of the holidays either. They are just one big reminder how everybody is somewhere else. When I was kid I would be consistently mortified having my Ma schlep me around different peoples houses every year. Pure torture. It's so awkward being in such an intimate setting and everyone knows you have no other place to go. Plus I'm Jewish so Christmas parties are kind of weird, I mean, not that I care about the religious aspect, it's just a "what's my motivation" type deal. I'd rather be with those that are bitter like me. And drinking scotch like me. And wiping away the tears like me.

  The obnoxious cruel invention of  the Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Xmas, and NYE schedule is a mockery of my integration into society. I usually strike out all 4 holidays. Of the four I sympathize with Turkey day the most. NYE is a shit-storm. Xmas is depressing and weird. Chanukah is just a reminder of my lost childhood. Bah Humbug!
   I have a ridiculous 2011 planned. Grueling schedule. Just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable. The working. The studying. The driving. My bulging biceps. How do I fit this all in one day?
   I hope 2011 has a bit more stability than 2010. 2010 was the "shake-up" year, and I was shook to the core. My whole brain got fried like an egg trying to figure out how to keep moving forward. I spent half of 2010 on some bullshit. Let me quote Lincoln Park for the first and last time in my life to accurately describe 2010, "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter."
   I have a theory that odd years end up being "odd." I hope this is true. The weirder shit is, the more I'm into it. Here's to an awesome 2011. I have a feeling it's going to be a year to remember... mostly because it's the most recent one.

I would choose being burned alive over listening to this.

Flying car with speakers?

  Look at how cheesy this shithead band is. The horrible L.A. douche band that played their awful music on the 101 freeway in a painted fruit truck is shockingly lamer than I could possibly imagine. Critics of their dangerous and moronic stunt are just "fuel for the fire of their success" according to the long haired ginger rapper Paul Arabella, member of the (c)rap group Imperial Stars. Everybody already can tell these guys are no talent losers, but the level of stupidity and lameness is worth analyzing.  First their attempt to "raise awareness" is a paper thin cover for trying to guilt you into putting up with their music. Thanks for raising awareness guys, I wasn't aware of homelessness until your lame wannabe band came around.
    Who could with a straight face record this shit? The suckitude of this band, their music, the stunt, the fake homeless awareness program, it's just at astronomical proportions. When a band like this steals the headlines for a day and everyone hears their stupid song as a result, it's a sad day. Many better bands go unnoticed for years and play by the rules, which means not endangering the lives of hundreds of thousands of people for their music. Not even the best song in the world has that right. Not even the dumbest people in the world have ever tried this before. Congrats Imperial Stars, you have set a new record for stupidity.

   Watch their music video for about 30 seconds.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsfeqw8Wzw4   Godawful right? Their entire creative output is a cornucopia of shit. I am going to post this band's link under Wikipedia's "delusions of grandeur" definition. How did these guys get so far into making this trash without some real friends, real enough to tell them, "you suck!"
 Here's the post interview, even lamer than you can imagine it to be. The interview will only make you hate more.... and quicker. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rrLpykXBzI&feature=related

    What makes good music cool and what makes this utter shit is time and energy. They spent zero time or energy on the music. Then they came up with some dumb idea to promote it and that's when they decided to "go to work" That is a recipe for crap. Good music takes more time and effort then the "3 hour sesh" at some dude's house who happens to have Pro-Tools and an ok mic. A stunt like this took some planning, but they should of spent that time writing a better song. All that attention and when they finally unveiled their product, complete nonsense was playing.

    Some people actually write great songs, play them live, build a following and get paid to be heard. That will never be these guys. If they don't stop freeway traffic and force their music upon us, no one will ever hear it.

I hope jail is your Simon Cowell and someone makes it painfully obvious to you how bad your music is.

Is this how it sounded when that bolt of lightning struck?

"Dude let's make a song about a traffic jam and then cause the traffic jam when we play it, WHOOOOAAA!!!!!!"

or

"I wonder why people don't party on the freeway? That would be cool! I wanna party on the freeway!" That's so rockstar!!!

Lyrics from the shitacular single "Traffic Jam 101" by Imperial Stars.


Party!
In the traffic jam live in Cali!
No one better get in my way!
Playing live on the freeway today!

I'm a rock star, living on the edge!
Known for hanging out and partyin' with my friends!
I'm a rock star, living on the edge!
I'm takin' on the world and I'm destined to win!

In the traffic jam, go bumper to bumper, heat for your winter, cool for your summer.  Get out the hit, make you fiend for another. So roll and roll like I got your number.

This time I'm ready to win! I'm on a roll I can't be stopped and I'm going all in.

I got the energy to get you high, watch me roll, watch me ride.  If you want the energy inside then ride, ride, ride, ride.  Okay, now here we go, it's Imperial rockin' your stereo.  And you know we shut down the scene, stuck in traffic it's automatic we......


Party!
In the traffic jam live in Cali!
No one better get in my way!
Playing live on the freeway today!

Rockstar baby, yah we stoppin traffic now. Rockstar baby, yah we gonna rock the crowd.

I took the anti-social personality disorder test and failed it.

10 questions 1-10, 10 completely agree-1 completely disagree

Characteristics of people with antisocial personality disorder may include:

• Apparent lack of remorse or empathy for others ( I do read articles about people dying and sometimes wonder why I don't cry. ) 1
• Poor behavioral controls — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, inadequate control of anger and temper.    ( Yah, duh, I just quit smoking. ) 3
• A history of childhood conduct disorder  ( I was a class clown for 13 years straight ) 3
• Recurring difficulties with the law   ( I did call 9-1-1 on myself for being too drunk once.) 3
• Promiscuity  ( Ok next. ) 7
• Inability to tolerate boredom  ( What was the question? I had to check fb while I was reading it. ) 7
• Disregard for what is normally considered right or wrong    ( Depends what political party is in power. ) 5
• Poor or abusive relationships ( But at least I've been IN a relationship. That counts for something. ) 7
• Irresponsible work behavior    ( I am the hardest worker 25 minutes of every hour. ) 5
• Disregard for safety   (It happens in so many ways, I wouldn't even know where to begin. ) 10

I scored a fifty something. Which is half anti social. So how much anti social is too much?Anything higher than my score.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder.

   The narcissist is described as being excessively preoccupied with issues of
personal adequacy
power
prestige
vanity.
   Narcissistic personality disorder is closely linked to self-centeredness. . 

That actually sounds pretty cool. If you have NPD, that just means you're powerful and sexy. 

Hatertalk for Haters

When you hear..

I hate: Dumb stuff.
I hate: Boring stuff:
What they're really saying: I am dumb and boring

I hate: Losing my keys.

I hate: Losing my wallet.

I really hate: Losing my phone.

What they're really saying: I get shit-faced often.

I love: shopping
I love: going shopping
What they're really saying: I have nothing to offer besides sex

What you don't wanna hear...

 "Can you do me a favor?

 "Can you help me move?... then take me to the airport?"

 "Sir, for some reason your card is not working."
 "You have issues"

 "You need to make a decision right now."
 "This call is an attempt to collect a debt."

Aliens gave us helicopters in ancient Egypt, it's a fact.

   Stare at this picture for the next hour. Perhaps less than an hour if you can see that this tablet contains flying machines. The tablet is from a 3000 year old temple at Abydos, a few hundred miles from Cairo. It's widely circulated among the net and is not a photo shopped hoax. When the tablet was first discovered in the 1800's, nobody could recognize the tablet's odd carvings. 100 years later we can, it's called an "airplane" and clearly somebody in Egypt saw one, or perhaps, flew one.
http://www.hallofthegods.org/articles/mystery-abydos.html
   See the helicopter there? I mean look at the rotor and the tail blade, uncanny right? My guess is the helicopter was the transport or supply copter to the aliens. Either material or slaves were transported, because that's what I think the carvings underneath are. Judging from the husk of corn and the columns beside it, there was a famine sometime shortly after the flying machines arrived, and this famine can be accounted for in the Old Testament. The story of Passover is how the Jewish slaves escaped from ancient Egypt. So how did a bunch of old slaves outrun the athletic and properly nourished Egyptians? They had helicopters, duh!
   Ok, so if you look on the right side of the tablet, we see more spaceships, One is clearly dropping a bomb, or a care package, or both, aliens are known to be ruthless. Obviously the ship on the top is the alien mother ship, followed by a fighter, then a hover craft. The order is very important here, I think the higher the ship, the higher it flew off the ground. 
   So how did Moses part the Red Sea? Using his metal rod (or the biblical version is a cane), which was also used to move the incredibly heavy stones that built the pyramids.  We have accounts from the Arab explorer, Al-Musadi, that ancient Egyptians used a large metal rod to move the enormous blocks through levitation. If you think a rope and pulley system would have worked for a stone that today would take 26 cranes to lift, you have never been to the gym. When shit is that heavy, you obviously need a magical rod, like the one Al Musadi was talking about. Google Ba'albek, Lebanon and tell me I'm wrong...I'm pretty sure Moses got a hold of one of these magical rods and as they say, the rest is history.   

Dating in LA, electromagnetic pulses and escape fires.

     So I've been on a few dates in LA and I'm starting to get a feel for what's out there. In my lifetime, I think I've had every experience you can have on a first date, from home run to run home and it feels a lot like gambling. The currency is time and energy, something you have more of when you move to a new city because you're excited. I drive somewhere I've never been, meet someone I've never met, and no matter who is in front of me, tell them right away they look better in person than their pictures. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not. I do this because every time the person hears it they believe it, which, one, I find entertaining and two, it makes the next hour or so much more bearable. I have had a few dates with some absolutely fraudulent pictures and you can't get angry or disappointed, you just roll with it and try to make the person comfortable. You never know when you could meet a friend who has a friend... so be cool. 

    I obviously won't go into the censored dates, or how how many dates I've been on, or the outcomes, but I will share some embarrassing stories. I've been on a date where I couldn't stop buttoning and unbuttoning my shirt. I've been on a date where I forgot my wallet. One time I was clearly getting the cheek for a good night kiss and I angled for the lips, (stealing a kiss) and it was a disaster. DO NOT ATTEMPT! I think the worst date I ever been on was a double date where my date actually took a nap during the date. Don't ask me how it happened, it's a long story.

   If I talk on the phone with a girl and I hear something I like (mostly innuendoes) I try for the dinner at a decent place. I've broken this rule before and paid the price (literally) so I'm keeping things super chill unless my emotional brain overrides my prefrontal cortex and clues me into some subconscious information I took in without realizing. How the hell did I just say that? Link below.

     There was a study done by a some smart guy at a university who measured electromagnetic energy measured off subjects hands when they were playing cards. Players made decisions based on game rules and the study found the electro-magnetic pulses were showing increased activity BEFORE the rational brain (prefrontal cortex) made decisions. Which basically means, your emotional brain, is picking up clues before your rational one even realizes it.  http://www.hulu.com/watch/95417/foratv-science-jonah-lehrer-inside-my-mind. So I guess my point is, dating is 100% gut instinct. When the rational brain has too much to process, (her looks, the environment, things to say, do I have food in my teeth, do i smell good, gum etc....) it dulls the decision making process. Another study showed that when subjects were given 7 digits to memorize compared to 2 digits to memorize, people were more likely to choose eating chocolate cake over fruit salad. What does this mean? Well, I guess it's harder to stay disciplined with rational thought when our brain is being overloaded. Our CPU can only handle so much before it runs at less than optimal performance. So while your processing the massive amounts of information while meeting a new person, best to stay away from deciding based solely on appearances and if dating each other makes sense... instead go with the gut.

     A tragic but amazing story that I heard from the link above, is the story about a firefighter, Wag Dodge, who was in the Montana plains with his smoke jumper crew, fighting a prairie fire. They were parachuted in the middle of a fire and in the midst of coming up with a strategy, Wag realized the fire was coming their way really fast, and the only path to safety was toward the river. When they got close to the river, the winds shifted and the tall prairie grass caught fire blocking their route to the river and they were trapped inside the gulch. If you google the story, it is known as The Mann Gulch Fire. The fire at times was over 200 ft tall, and melting rock, which means it was burning over 2000 degrees fahrenheit. As expected, most of the crew started running back, which happened to be uphill. So since heat rises, the fire spreads even faster uphill, and about halfway up the hill Wag yells to his guys, "Stop." He knew the fire was spreading too fast, and it would only be a matter of time before the 30 mph flames would engulf his crew. Some did stop to look at what he was doing, but decided to "get the hell outta there." Obviously 200 ft flames would drive any man into flight mode, but Wag somehow had a moment of clarity during this extremely fearful experience and decided to take the matches out of his pocket and start a fire burning the brush around him. This is called an escape fire, and he invented it right there on the spot, in 1949. Fire can't burn what has already been burned, so he overrode his emotional fight or flight response, the strongest stimuli known to man, and connected with the rational thinking side of his brain (prefrontal cortex) and saved his life. The term "deliberate calm," is one used by commercial pilots to over come fear and fly planes during life-threatening scenarios, and it comes to mind when I read this story. 13 of Wag's crew were killed by the fire. Better in depth account is on the link here. http://www.fs.fed.us/rm/pubs_int/int_gtr299.pdf
     Dating is basically going to be electromagnetic pulses or escape fires. My escape fire is drinking. Instead of running away, being a jerk, or getting that "fake emergency text," I just start drinking. I rarely go on dates unless it's within walking distance to where I live anyways, so it works out perfect. My undesirable date will get the clue that she may have to start babysitting if she hangs around much longer. However, on one date, I got up to 4 drinks and was starting to get beer goggles, so my plan almost backfired. 

  

No chocolate? and butter? and fried rice is fried???

    Day 3:  Holy crap I am so dumb when it comes to nutrition. I always prided myself on my ability to read and comprehend what I was reading but this subject is like a foreign language. WTF is a calorie or a carbohydrate? Saturated fat? Good and bad cholesterol? What's a good amount of sodium? What is all the shit I'm reading on the wrapper? Should I consider anything in a wrapper a refined food? What's with vegetable oil, canola oil, or olive oil, and are oils bad?
    I think nutrition and finance should of been taught in high school, cause it's important to know how to eat good and it's important to know how to manage your finances cause that shit is expensive. Like how the hell is a bag of nuts $7 bucks and a hamburger 99 cents? One is a damn 700 pound animal and the other is something that grows out of the ground. Just to eat right you have to commit to it both psychologically and financially, though I will say in going green you do train your stomach to chillax and not be so damn demanding all the time.
     I'm doing pretty good so far, I wanted to eat some butter on top of my rice but I went with some low sodium soy sauce. I was going crazy for a cig around 10 pm but I did not acquiesce. Instead, I ate some dates. Then some cashews. Then some more dates. I bought a bunch of  veggies and fruits and nuts at the grocery store and I must admit it felt pretty cool at the check out counter when I compared myself to the other shoppers.
    My workout routine is so sick. Once you become a gym rat you realize you don't actually want to be at the gym a long time, just a short burst most days. So certain exercises I do everyday, dips, pull ups, push ups, abs and calves, which is like 30 minutes right there. The rest is just a race to exhaustion. I have to keep myself busy, I work a 9-5. That is a lot of time out of my life and if I don't squeeze in the studying and working out I'm just surviving, not thriving. Plus I'm single so there's 95% of the motivation right there, I mean lets be honest right?
    I recall in my last post it sounded like "I didn't care" about eating, but now I think what I meant to say is I didn't care for eating meat. I just don't want to be hungry, whatever medium is used to alleviate that feeling is fine with me, so go green I say. I think it first dawned on me my food intake was going through some radical philosophical changes when I was going out to dinner and was finding little or no interest going through the menu. I was taking advice from the waiters, not because I wanted the best food, but because I had no preference. Since I had no rules on eating, I felt like any ol' item would do, meat, no meat, chicken, fish or shrimp, all the same. Had it all a million times before and didn't see the point in making my brain engage in such a frivolous decision making process all the time. Hmmm c'mon brain lets think, what do you want chicken or shrimp, this is important shit here, tell me what you want. Are you in the mood for chicken (insert random memories of corresponding taste) or shrimp (salivating for sea creatures).
    Which brings me to my next major thought of the week is WTF is up with my brain? One minute it's coming up with a genius idea to better my life and engage in productivity and the next minute it's telling me to eat that crappy bacon cheeseburger with a cigarette, you had a shitty day. How am I suppose to navigate my experiences in this world when my navigational device is giving me wrong directions half the time? I know intellectual design is a common theory about why we are the way we are, and I lean toward believing in it to some degree, but the brain and the human mind and how it all works is mostly a work of mystery.

Quitting everything and not caring about anything (in a good way)

    I'm giving up meat, dairy and cigarettes all in the same week. I have attempted all these before and failed but never all at the same time. When something is hard, make it 10 times harder and you will ultimately rise to the challenge. I know this doesn't sound logical, but once you stop using your brain and go with your gut, life makes much more sense. 

    The miserable experience of eating built up to such a point I asked the universe to intervene. I had no ideas and found myself stagnating on the problem. I told this universe, "look, this sucks, I hate eating, its a chore, it's boring, and I'm always on the go." Then the universe told me, "Well if it's so boring why don't you eat healthy." Then this crazy DVD arrived at my doorstep during the zenith of my frustration. Since actions speak louder than words, I decided action must be taken. So far day two and I'm meat, cigarette and mostly dairy free. This is not a zero tolerance attempt to get healthy, it's a lifestyle modification. I finally after two years (on and off much longer though) stopped buying a pack of cigarettes. Finally! The whole vegetarian bit came as I added it on the last minute because it would suck to kick cigs out, only to get ball cancer or heart disease from garbage meat. Like I want fucking Subways chicken sandwich anyways, or any other food chains bullshit. Once I stopped caring about what I ate, I finally realized how easy this was going to be. Not caring is the best thing in the world.

    I think blogging will help keep my mind off these inferior cravings I crave, so we'll see how it goes. I wish I had a cool signing off message. I think future blogs will have some more comedic and or political undertones, this is just a test run.