Monday, October 15, 2012

Commuter tutor



  When I lived in LA, I lived in the Valley but worked in Santa Clarita. My commute was miserable and I was ill prepared for such a mind numbing experience. My longest commute until then was 10 minutes.  I graduated from Commuter U, on the typical freeway in the stereotypical rat race city - LA. The 405 stole some crazy hours from life - but I paid my dues. And now its paying off. What could be the typical 40 minute commute, I'm shaving down to 25 minutes from my 405 training.

    No longer in LA, I find myself in a new commuter trap - the 95N /I15 combo in Vegas. Best described as a bunch of grouchy ants squeezing through one giant bottleneck before they've had their morning coffee.

   I hit the road at 7am - along with all the other rats and I don't make many friends on the way. I attempt to take the freeway - and if it's jammed up too bad my favorite move is to cut exit lane lines by driving next to the exit lane - then at the last SECOND wait for someone to snooze and BAM! jump in place. It does not help if you drive a Beamer or a Mercedes - the assholishness is multiplied. But it saves a buttload of time and to deflect criticism just wave your arms around and pretend like YOU'RE the one who's mad.

   Exit lanes can serve a useful purpose when you're trying to stay on the freeway as well. Sometimes they can be completely open while the freeway is at a dead stop. Just drive on them like regular lanes - going slow enough to jump over when you need to. The exit lanes usually are free until the obvious transition off the freeway. Before that transition you have a good mile to skip the losers. Works like a charm.

   When I find myself making a left turn and waiting in line, I always find the same thing. One left hand turn lane has 9 cars waiting in it and the other has one. My favorite thing to do in this situation is enter the lane with one car - (usually the inside lane) and wait for the light to turn green, make my turn and abruptly switch lanes and laugh. Sheep.

    The morning commute - needs music. It helps set the mood for the drive. Seriously, every time I got jammed up commuting on the 405  - "Welcome to the Jungle" played on the radio. It made me feel better. I usually save the hard stuff for the ride home - in the morning I like my music like baby food,  soft and easy. Not in a hurry - just gonna glide along.

Here's some tips I've accumulated over the years.
 
1. In a sketchy neighborhood stopped at a red light, turn on some mexican radio (loud) and lean your seat back. Anyone willing to listen to that kind of music very loud must be crazy. Sounds like polka, I know, but it intimidates your would be assailants.

2. Alternate routes - I live by this one. If I notice traffic, I have other routes in place at all junctions. An object in motion tends to stay in motion, as long as you know your last chance exits.

3. Do not hurry to work - only hurry home. I read that advice somewhere and put into place and it's the greatest thing ever. Think about it - where would you rather be? Lay off the pedal going to work - totally not worth it. Speeding home to catch a nap? Totally worth it.

4. Use the finger if you have to - too many bad drivers go unchecked. I believe said drivers improve over time after they see how many people they piss off. You are being an enabler by not flipping them the bird so feel free to do so. And it's the best feeling in the world, knowing someone saw your finger as you drive off into the sunset. Ahhh such bliss.

5. It's ok to speed sometimes. If you're going from LA to Vegas and you want to beat your buddies record of 2 hours and forty five minutes, by all means - game on. Going 85 in a 70 on the way to work? Game off nerdbucket.

6. Use your blinkers. This will alert other drivers to speed up and hurry past you so you can make into the lane you need to get into. Drivers have a funny way of hanging back and blocking your lane only until they see your blinker. Then they speed like hell to make sure they don't get stuck behind you.


Good luck getting to where ya gotta go.